The Real Ultimate Thailand Itinery

Day 1 - Welcome to Bangkok! After checking into your room and meeting your Ultimate Thailand roomies, meet the rest of your Group at our Welcome Dinner. Your Group Leader will explain everything you need to know about the trip and answer all your questions. After dinner, we’ll explore some of our favourite Bangkok nightlife spots!

Day 2 - Our tour of Bangkok begins with a barely average boat trip through the city's largest sewage ways. Our Thai guide (not so much the Western Guides) will show you the same side to the city that you've already seen and let you enjoy walking for hours in the sauna that is Bangkok while pointing out the historic and religious landmarks like Starbucks. Explore the Dawn Temple (not the Temple of Dawn), Reclining Buddha Temple and if you're looking to spend even more money, the Golden Mount. Tonight we party in Bangkok.... at the same bar.... again.

Day 3 - Spend the whole day sitting in the non air-conditioned reception due to check out time, get a Thai massage or hit the town for more shopping. That evening we travel to the train station in rush hour traffic to catch the overnight train to Southern Thailand. If your idea of fun is being freezing cold, being hassled by Thai sellers, sleeping with your bag as there is no room for luggage, and waking up at 6AM then the overnight train is loads of fun. Have dinner on the train, as long as you provide it all yourself, and don't even think about drinks as the train is as alcohol free as the temples, sleep in your own bed and wake up at 6AM feeling unrefreshed for another day of travel to Khao Sok National Park.

Day 4 - We travel by longtail boat to our floating raft houses hidden deep in the rainforest of the Khao Sok National Park. See amazing animals, including the exotic cockroach and the elusive mosquito, breathtaking scenery and learn absolutely nothing about the local history of the area. The clear water is warm all year round. Enjoy a swim, kayak on the lake or take a relaxing nap in a hammock, as long as you bring your own hammock. That evening, after an average dinner of bland fish caught on the lake, we take an early evening 'safari' to see absolutely nothing. Literally....nothing. If you're looking for a good nights sleep after your night on the overnight train then think again. Enjoy 6 hours of electricity where you can choose between a fan to blow the hot air around your room or charging your phone to be able to use the torch to access the death trap toilets. You are joined by hundreds of bugs in your room and if you're really lucky, you'll wake up with a cockroach on your pillow and ants all over your body.

Day 5 - Wake up in a pool of your own sweat in your floating hut to the sound of people's disappointment at the lack of sunrise. We jump in the longtail boat to travel straight back to the mainland with absolutely no monkey spotting on the way before we travel to our next stop, Khao Sok Jungle Village. On the way we stop to feed the baby wild monkeys after you have forked out again to buy the food for them. Chill out with no wifi or electricity due to a powercut or go tubing on the dirtiest river in South East Asia. That evening eat at the hostel after a 3 hour wait for your food and then walk down to the 'Thai Reggae Bar' which plays the classic reggae artist, Taylor Swift.

Day 6 - Today we arrive at Koh Phi Phi, home of the stray cat, for two nights of tropical island 'fun'. We arrive late-afternoon and check in to the worst accommodation on the island lacking any sort of air con and home to all the bugs you can imagine. That night we meet at an average Mexican restaurant for dinner followed by a mediocre bar for drinks. Later that night you can watch fireshows and explore the nightlife of Koh Phi Phi.

Day 7 - Today we take a cattle boat tour of the Phi Phi Islands where you can snorkel with jellyfish and then explore Maya Bay 'The Beach' but not Monkey Bay because they don't bother to take you there. We kayak our way into Maya Bay whilst passing other tours on speed boats who have been dropped off right on the beach. If you're really lucky you will get to swim from the boat and lose all the skin on the front side of your body. That night there is no party and you don't go to any beach clubs.

Day 8 - We arrive on the tropical island of Koh Phangan, home of the world-famous Full Moon Party which you only get to experience if you go on every other tour. Arrive after a whole day of torturous travel on 2 boats and a 3 hour bus journey. You'll be staying a short walk from the beach. Tonight we relax at the hostel, like every other night that you spend here.

Day 9 - Today is a free day to do whatever you want. Scuba Dive, hire a moped or do Wipe Out for another added charge or stay at the mediocre beach and do nothing. Prepare to pay 500baht to nearly kill yourself at Wipe Out and swim in a dirty lake for a few hours this afternoon! There is heaps to do in Koh Phangan - if you pay for it. That evening we drink again and look forward to having your night ruined by the tour guides boyfriend drama!

Day 10 - Today is the last day of the tour although it really finished about 4 days ago on a different island. Do nothing all day again and then enjoy the farewell party later on tonight. Have the opourtunity to let off lanterns on the beach this evening if the weather isn't windy, rainy, cloudy or anything but sunshine and no wind. Your resort accommodation is included on the final night.

After the tour you'll be left broke, covered in mosquito bites and raring to go back to home luxuries. If your definition of a great holiday is sleeping with a thousand bugs most nights, suffocating in 35 degree heats without air conditioning and breaking your bank with a ton of extra hidden costs then this is the tour for you.

Despite the negativity in this review, the tour was massively improved by the people that came on the tour with us and of course one of our tour leaders, Jeff.